People call Nick stupid all the time. He's used to it, and he doesn't even care anymore, not really. He knows he isn't conventionally smart, booksmart. He supports Kevin, and Kevin's charities, but he couldn't name one solid fact about wetlands or mountain environments or coal mining if his life depended on it. It disappoints Kevin, he thinks, but he figures he'll just give his money freely and let those who know stuff do the talking.

What Nick knows is music, and the music business.

People seem to think he's naive because he's dumb, but Nick knows he's neither. If anyone's naive it's AJ, who hid behind whiskey rather than realize the truth. Nick lost his naivete a long time ago, well before Lou shook his hand and held on a little too long.

He misses the guys like fuck all, but he knew what he was doing, and he isn't sorry. Leaving The Firm was good for Backstreet. It was the right move, and he agreed with it. What it wasn't good for was Nick Carter. New management, and his solo album gets pushed back farther. Push the album back, Justin's will come out first, and Nick'll never get noticed.

He's not jealous, but he's not stupid, either. He knows he'll never break out like Justin.

He doesn't want to.

He wants to make his music, his way. To not get laughed at for overemoting, because who can emote with drumsticks? To sing and be heard for his singing, not for writhing on the floor. To be known for something besides his day job -- if he still has it.

Brian hasn't spoken to him since he stuck with The Firm.

He's sorry for that. He misses Brian most. He misses all of them. He's sorry they're hurt, or angry. But he's not sorry enough.

He isn't stupid.