It was hard, being a parent.

A lot fucking harder than Nick had expected, anyway. Not just the adoption process, which was stretching out even though as far as Nick could tell he was far and away better than the foster parents Freddie had been stuck with before, even though he was head over heels in love with her and she said she loved him back.

But it was hard just being a father.

He worried about her constantly, worried that maybe he *wasn't* what she needed, worried about the lack of female influences in her life -- now that they were on break, Kristen and Leigh were off in Kentucky and Atlanta, Nick's sisters were still kids, and as for his mom, he wasn't sure she could count as a positive influence when she did things like ask Freddie if she enjoyed singing, or wanted to perform. He worried about her health, how she was verging on malnutrition and didn't weigh nearly enough. He worried about balancing his career, their time together, and her education -- if he brought her on tour, he could hire a tutor easily enough, but she'd miss out on socialization with children her own age. He worried about the effects of his fame on her life, especially if he ended up doing his solo album thing.

The one thing he didn't worry about was bonding with her. With the month off while AJ rehabbed, the two of them had plenty of time together. He was even teaching her to read, because she worried about getting lost when they went back on tour and not being able to find him if she couldn't read the signs in the stadiums.

They would read together for twenty minutes, every day, working their way through The Cat In The Hat. He'd read to her again at night, other stories, but then it was just him reading, and Freddie snuggled close in the rocker, clutching her blanket.

He was going to miss it when he went to Arizona, even though it was just for a day or two.

She loved the water, took to it pretty much like Nick did -- nurture over nature, he figured, since the social services file on her said her parents never left the slums. They went for long walks on the sand, Freddie running ahead and picking up seashells and seaweed and pebbles to show him.

When she found a conch shell, he told her to listen for the ocean, and took the opportunity to dab more suncsreen on her nose.

"Oh!" she said, eyes wide. "Oh, Daddy! I can take the water *anywhere* now!"

Nick smiled down at her. "When there isn't a beach around," he said, "you can pick up that shell, and remember our walks, and the sun and sand, and how much fun it is." He sat down, folding a hand around her waist and pulling her close for a hug. "I need to talk to you about something," he said.

Freddie plopped into his lap. "Okay," she said, setting the conch shell gently in the sand.

Nick brushed a stray hair off her forehead. "You remember what I told you about Uncle AJ?" he asked.

Freddie nodded. "You said he was sick, and that's why he smelled funny sometimes, and was mean, and that he's getting better and he's gonna be nice when he comes home. And not die."

"That's right," Nick said. "He's at, well, a sort of a hospital, getting better as we speak. But he's feeling lonely, and sad, because he's sick, and all alone. So Uncle Kevin's been visiting him a lot, and Uncle Howie and Uncle Brian some, too, and his mommy."

"We should visit too," Freddie said.

"Are you sure?" Nick asked gently. Freddie had been pretty scared of AJ most of the time -- from what Nick could gather, Mr. Thompson had also had a drinking problem, and Mrs. Thompson hadn't been quite as diligent as Nick was in keeping Freddie away from it. He'd been planning on leaving her with Howie when he went to Arizona.

Freddie pressed her hand to the foot on his left breast. "If I was sick," she said, lining her fingers up with the toes, "I'd want you there." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Are there oceans in Arizona?"

"No," Nick said slowly, "no, there aren't."

Freddie picked up her conch shell, hugging it close for a second before looking up at Nick. "Maybe Uncle AJ would like my seashell?"

"I think," Nick said, "he'd like that a lot." He kissed the top of Freddie's head, took her hand in his, and led her home.