"Hermione," Draco panted, "I demand a new choreographer."

Hermione sniffed. "Luis is one of the best in his field."

"Luis," Harry said, "is evil."

"He's not evil, Harry. He just has expectations."

"I had expectations," Snape said. "Luis is evil."

"There, you see? He'd know."

Snape retreated to the corner, flopping sullenly into a chair.

"Well you're stuck with him," Hermione said. "Unless you'd rather face Voldemort?"

"Old Red Eyes is looking pretty good right now, actually," Harry said.

Draco stifled a laugh. "Old Red Eyes?"

Harry shrugged.

"You are not giving up and going back to get yourself killed, Harry Potter, after I've put all this work into your disguise!"

"You did all the work," Harry said.

"We're exhausted," Draco said, "but you did all the work."

"We dance all day long, sing all night," Ron said, "but you did all the work."

Snape just glared.

"You might think of other people besides yourself," Hermione said. "We're not finding a new choreographer, and that's final. Now, have you all learned your parts for '(I See Majik) When I Look In Your Eyes'?"

"Yes," they mumbled.

"Let me hear it."

"What, now?" Draco looked affronted. "We're not warmed up," he said.

"Honestly Hermione," Ron said, "we're bloody tired."

Hermione sighed, sounding very put upon, but she crossed "singing practice" off on her clipboard. Harry and Ron exchanged high fives. "In that case," she said," and they dropped their hands, "we can work on your nicknames. My research indicates that most boyband members have nicknames -- things like B-Rok, or J, to increase their street rep."

"I have plenty of street rep!" Draco said.

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Do you even know what street rep is?"

Draco waved a hand. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I can buy it."

"Double G," Ron said.

Everyone stared at him. "What?"

"We should call Snape Double G. So we don't slip and call him Snape instead of Severus, or something."

"And just where," Snape said, "does 'Double G' come from, Mr. Weasley?"

Ron grinned. "It's short," he said, "for Greasy Git."

Snape tackled him.

"Boys!" Hermione shrieked as they rolled across the floor. "Stop it this instant! Professor! Ron! Ron, if you don't stop, I'm telling your mother!"

Ron immediately stopped, staring up at her. "You're in contact with Mum?"

"No," Hermione said. "She's let you go off to some unknown destination for an unknown period of time and never wants to hear how you're doing at all."

"I thought Gryffindors didn't know what sarcasm was," Draco whispered to Harry. Harry hit him.

Ron swallowed. "You. You're not really."

"He's younger than you," Hermione said severely. "Apologize, and I'll forget it."

Ron flushed. "Sorry," he muttered.

Snape smirked, but before he could say anything, Hermione rounded on him. "And you!" she scolded. "If you want to be treated like an equal part of this group, you have to act like you're actually part of it! I'm grounding you until you show some proper attitude."

Snape pouted. "But--"

"Don't you try that look on me, Professor. You're grounded for a week, and that's final. Just be glad I didn't take your solo away."

"Sorry," Snape said. He scuffed one foot on the carpet. "He was being mean to me." He peeked up at Hermione from under his lashes and added, "and my mum's dead, too."

Draco, Ron, and Harry stared at him, mouths gaping.

Hermione, however, melted.

"Oh, you poor dear," she said. "Did he hurt you a lot?" She sank down next to him on the carpet, and started cataloguing his bruises. "It doesn't look like anything some witch hazel won't fix, but I'm afraid you'll be sore in the morning." She gave Snape a hug. "Now, how about some hot chocolate, hm?" As she led him from the room, he looked over his shoulder and glared at Ron.

"That was," Harry said.

"Yeah," Draco said. "I'm in awe. I knew the man was Head of Slytherin, but I'm in awe."

"Fuck me," Ron said.

Draco grimaced. "No thanks."